Your Voice Is Undermining Your Leadership—Here’s How to Fix It with Arabella Macpherson

Episode 56 Your Voice Is Undermining Your Leadership—Here’s How to Fix It with Arabella Macpherson

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[00:00:00] The Power of Influence: A Cautionary Tale
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[00:00:00] Arabella: I dunno if I should tell this story. He then ran to five ATMs and got cash out from his own personal account. Wow. And they said, what do you think you're doing? He said, I don't know. And that's when I got super frightened. 'cause I was like, wow, this is so powerful. And I stopped using them for a year. I only share them with people who I think can take on the ethical challenge of only using it for good.

[00:00:25] Arabella: Do you need to get your audience on side straight away? And the best way I've tried all of them and the very best is do not use this at home. Alright, you wanna slow your breathing right down.

[00:00:42] Arabella: Our conscious brain or the neocortex, the logical brain says no to most things. Yeah. And so we need to distract that mother.

[00:00:50] Allan: Mm.

[00:00:50] Arabella: Once you get to trans inductions, it's uh, a whole, a whole new game. I

[00:00:54] Allan: want trans inductions, baby. Tell me, tell me about trans inductions. I know you do [00:01:00] difficult conversations. Mm.

[00:01:02] Arabella: So

[00:01:02] Allan: what are the traps? What are the things to look out for and what are the things to do? Well.

[00:01:06] Mastering Confidence and Presentation Skills
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[00:01:06] Arabella: Well, the biggest trap is, hi, I'm Arabella McPherson, and this is the Lean Marketing Podcast.

[00:01:14] Allan: Arabella, thank you so much for coming onto the podcast. You've been someone who's been super influential in my life. You've helped me improve my presentation skills. You've helped me become more influential. You've helped me communicate better. I'm still a work in progress, but, um, I, I appreciate you coming on. I'd love to get a bit bit of your background. Who are you, what do you do? Who do you do it for?

[00:01:37] Arabella: Good question. And we're all works in progress, including myself. I have many coaches who look after me. So I started as an actress and an opera singer and I trained in LA and New York.

[00:01:48] Arabella: My first opera was at the Opera House when I was 14, Bas Lemon and directed it. And then I went on and trained over, mainly in New York. I got to the point where I wasn't as satisfied with the [00:02:00] acting and singing because it was so difficult to get work.

[00:02:03] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:02:04] Arabella: And I remember coming back to Australia and it was after I'd signed up to Facebook.

[00:02:08] Arabella: So it was in 2007. I don't know if you signed up in 2007 out then.

[00:02:12] Allan: No, it was definitely later than that.

[00:02:14] Arabella: Day later late adopt on that one. Uh. Joined, uh Facebook 2007 and I also read The Secret and it said, focus on what you want. And I thought, you know what? I just wanna be doing what I love with people who need it and can appreciate what I'm doing with them.

[00:02:33] Arabella: I looked in the newspaper because that's how you looked for jobs back then.

[00:02:36] Allan: Yeah.

[00:02:36] Arabella: And I found, uh, an ad for a corporate voice coach, and I thought, that'll be easy. I've been acting and singing my whole life. Ring up the phone number. The person on the other end of the line was slurring. I thought this would be even easier.

[00:02:47] Arabella: He can't even speak. And then I turned up and there was a wall of his books, DVDs, and CDs, and it turned out he was one of the best presentation and sales coaches in Australia and the US, but he had [00:03:00] Parkinson's disease.

[00:03:00] Allan: Oh, wow.

[00:03:01] Arabella: Mm. And my grandfather had passed away from passing Parkinson's, so I understood.

[00:03:06] Arabella: And very quickly we started working together. He said that he had a hundred people call up for the role, but I sounded the most confident on the phone. So I don't think I wasted myself doing an acting degree but

[00:03:21] Allan: Yeah.

[00:03:22] Arabella: And when I started working with him, he said to me, so. Have you been coaching for a long time?

[00:03:28] Arabella: And I said, well, let's just say 1, 2, 3. Let's just say a long time. Because I thought, you know what? A minute is a long time for a baby.

[00:03:36] Allan: Yeah.

[00:03:37] Arabella: And he said to me, well, we pay $50 an hour. And I said, I'm so sorry. I'm actually 75. I hope you find the right person. I stood up and I walked out 'cause that's what the secret told me to do.

[00:03:49] Arabella: He said, come back in. And uh, yeah, he gave me the job and the next day introduced me to the head of the National Speakers Association and I started working from then. And then I started working [00:04:00] with other coaches. I worked with Nestle and Fairfax and Microsoft in two day workshops on high impact presenting and influence and negotiation.

[00:04:09] Arabella: And then in 2011 I went out on my own. And since then I've worked with CEOs, execs and senior leadership teams here in Australia, Asia, the UK, and the US.

[00:04:19] Understanding and Influencing the Human Mind
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[00:04:19] Arabella: And I think the most important thing that I found is that most people don't understand the brain.

[00:04:24] Allan: Mm.

[00:04:24] Arabella: And they dunno how to influence it. And they especially dunno how to influence it under pressure. So that's been my focus.

[00:04:30] Allan: We'll get to the brain in a, in a moment and influence. I'm, I'm keen to get into that, but I, I wanna highlight something that you said about confidence and, you know, I mean, I've bull crapped my way into so many jobs early on. I mean, I was, I've never been qualified for a job I've ever been hired for.

[00:04:46] Allan: Um, but confidence goes a long way, right?

[00:04:50] Arabella: Yeah, it really does. And I lived in Paris for a couple of years because I was a big Franco file. So as soon as I left school, I went and lived in Paris. And

[00:04:58] Allan: What's a franco file?

[00:04:59] Arabella: It means [00:05:00] you are obsessed with France, right? They even have a word for it. There you go.

[00:05:03] Allan: Wow. Okay.

[00:05:05] Arabella: And I remember meeting an Australian there, and he was gonna work at one of the top bars in Paris. And I said, how did he get a job here? He said, they asked him. Have you, you know, made cocktails before? And he said, yeah, made plenty. And he got the job. And I thought, wow, just do that. Interestingly, when we look at the world of business, I was talking to one of the heads at the Australian Stock Exchange.

[00:05:30] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:05:31] Arabella: And she said that when people come in to have that promotion talk

[00:05:34] Allan: mm-hmm.

[00:05:35] Arabella: The men come in, they sit down and they say, this is what I've done. This is where I've excelled. This is the promotion I deserve, and this is the pay rise I deserve.

[00:05:43] Allan: Yeah.

[00:05:43] Arabella: The women come in and say, hi, I did this well, but I don't think I did this well. Can you give me some tips on an improvement? I think I need to work more on this. What are your thoughts?

[00:05:52] Allan: Yeah.

[00:05:53] Arabella: And so I think I adopted from a very early stage that confidence is a personality that you step [00:06:00] into.

[00:06:00] Allan: Yeah.

[00:06:00] Arabella: And it's something that, uh, has helped me a lot because I've been working with CEOs and executives and a lot of the time they're talking about things that.

[00:06:10] Arabella: Very detailed, highly complex. We're looking at negotiations on things that I've never worked on, and my focus is on them and their body language, and as soon as I see them dipping confidence, I'm like, okay, let's work on that.

[00:06:22] Allan: Yeah.

[00:06:22] Arabella: When I don't really know the content, but can help them with crafting everything else.

[00:06:28] Allan: So often I've seen behind the scenes of a business and the person is super confident and then I see their skills and I'm like. This dude's just, uh, making it up as he is going along, right? He, he doesn't really know the stuff in depth. Confidence can get you such a long way, like, I'm not saying fake it till you make it or, you know, defraud people or whatever, right? So definitely deliver on

[00:06:54] Arabella: Yeah.

[00:06:55] Allan: What you, what you promise, but it can really get you a long way. And if you [00:07:00] know that you can learn it along the way or figure it out along the way, that's a huge skill.

[00:07:04] Arabella: This is self-trust. It's saying, okay, where's my gap? And can I breach that gap with the skills that I already have?

[00:07:10] Allan: Yeah.

[00:07:10] Arabella: But if you look at Henry T. Ford, for example, it wasn't him that made the car. He got his engineers to do it.

[00:07:16] Allan: Mm.

[00:07:16] Arabella: They came back five main six months later and said, we can't do it. He said, keep going.

[00:07:20] Allan: Yeah.

[00:07:20] Arabella: They came back six months later, keep going. And finally they did. So it wasn't him. He came up with a vision, but it wasn't him actually building the car and trialing it.

[00:07:29] Allan: I, I often say behavior's contagious. Yeah. If you are confident, that rubs off on some of the people around you as well. So

[00:07:34] Arabella: It totally does. On the flip side, it is important, especially in high stakes situations, to really identify where you don't have strengths and to say, this is not my area of expertise, but I do have partners that I work with, this person, this person, this person, and that engenders or breeds more trust with the people you're working with. So it's, it's been discerning as to where you can really step up and, [00:08:00] and step into your growth area and where you go, you know what? That is definitely not my skillset.

[00:08:06] Allan: Yeah, yeah. So true.

[00:08:07] Advanced Techniques in Hypnotherapy and Influence
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[00:08:07] Allan: So, uh, influence is a huge topic. I mean, we've had many discussions, uh, about it over the years.

[00:08:13] Allan: You've helped me with that and I mean, we could spend hours on it.

[00:08:16] Arabella: Mm-hmm.

[00:08:16] Allan: But, um. You know, let's say I'm an alien from another planet. I land here, say, Arabella, I need you to help me figure out the human mind. How do I influence these human beings? Um, what would, what would your advice be? How would you walk someone through who's foreign to human mind?

[00:08:34] Arabella: Yeah, that's a good question. And it starts with studying the person you wanna influence in so much depth. I mean it, I was thinking about it this morning, it's like being an actor when you take on a character. You have to know everything about that character and you have to fill in the gaps where the playwright hasn't put in everything and create characters like we have, for example, Schindler's List, the lead role in that for three months, he didn't eat. He lived [00:09:00] like he would in that time, so that when he went to shoot the film, he could understand and embody that character.

[00:09:08] Arabella: And the benefit of that is that you understand how that person thinks.

[00:09:12] Allan: Yeah.

[00:09:12] Arabella: How they make decisions, what they're likely to do in one situation as opposed to another.

[00:09:16] Arabella: What they'll do under pressure, what they prefer to talk about, you know them so intimately. I met with an advertising executive recently. Mm-hmm. And she said to me that back in the day, they used to say, you've gotta know the color of the underpants.

[00:09:31] Allan: Okay.

[00:09:32] Arabella: And you also have to know how to make them look good.

[00:09:35] Allan: Yeah.

[00:09:35] Arabella: To their boss or whoever they're trying to impress.

[00:09:37] Allan: Yeah.

[00:09:38] Arabella: Because we are tribal beings and we are scared of two major things being rejected.

[00:09:44] Allan: Yep.

[00:09:45] Arabella: And we'll be rejected if we don't think we are good enough.

[00:09:48] Allan: Yep.

[00:09:49] Arabella: And so, making sure that that person looks good and gives them that security in the place that they're at, gives them the recognition, but also [00:10:00] helps them move from where they are to where they need to be.

[00:10:03] Arabella: So it's really understanding that person on a far deeper level than most people go.

[00:10:10] Allan: I mean, especially in a B2B selling situation, the person is often top of mind thinking, is this gonna make me look stupid to my boss, and is this gonna get me fired? So often, being the least risky option is or being at least presenting as the least risky option is a way, way better approach than being the innovative option or the, the brand new thing or whatever else.

[00:10:36] Allan: You know, nobody ever got fired for buying IBM. That's a,

[00:10:38] Arabella: Yeah.

[00:10:39] Allan: That's a common uh, yeah. Phrase. So, being that option that's gonna make you look good to your boss versus, hey, maximizing every opportunity, uh, and, you know, getting fired or looking stupid or demoted or whatever.

[00:10:53] Arabella: Yeah, it, it is interesting because it also depends on personality style.

[00:10:57] Arabella: So some, you are always trying to help that [00:11:00] person meet their needs. And some people they want security, others want recognition, others want connection and belonging, and others just wanna do something that's damn right.

[00:11:08] Arabella: Fun and exciting.

[00:11:10] Allan: Yeah.

[00:11:10] Arabella: And risky. And the first in, yeah, in line. And it depends where they are in the hierarchy of the business.

[00:11:16] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:11:16] Arabella: So if they're more at the top, then they're probably more willing to take bigger risks. But it very much depends who you're talking to.

[00:11:24] Allan: So I get to, I try to get to know someone. I get to try to know the color of their underwear. Um, uh, what else? How, how do I be more influential?

[00:11:35] Arabella: Well, it's about finding out. What's important to them, we call it the hierarchy of values. So you ask them questions about what's, what's important to them, how are they making decisions? And we can, I think they, they brought it down to, was it IBM who, or Microsoft who did? They brought it down to bent budget authority needs timeline.

[00:11:57] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:11:58] Arabella: So looking at what [00:12:00] is most important to you in this situation. But what we don't look at is the personal factor. Like you are influencing a person, not a business.

[00:12:08] Allan: Mm.

[00:12:09] Arabella: So when I was working with a a C-Suite executive, they came to me and they said, we're, we're not closing deals. We're just not closing deals.

[00:12:17] Arabella: And I said, okay, can you walk me through what you're doing?

[00:12:19] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:12:20] Arabella: And, uh, it turned out that this person was simply talking about themselves the whole time.

[00:12:24] Allan: Hmm.

[00:12:25] Arabella: And missing every opportunity in the moment. To find out what was important to that person. And this sounds super obvious.

[00:12:32] Allan: Mm.

[00:12:33] Arabella: But it's not asking 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 questions.

[00:12:36] Arabella: It's asking them 45 minutes of questions and, and following up each question with, tell me more. Help me understand. I recently. Out of curiosity, went onto a dating app. It's a matchmaking app by ai and they have an AI avatar that chats with you to get to know who you are. Mm-hmm. And then they, um, match you with possible [00:13:00] suitors.

[00:13:00] Arabella: And it was so. Amazing how close I felt to my AI matchmaker because they asked me questions and everything. I left. I said, oh, I'm going to a concert tonight. Oh, what concert? They just kept going deeper and deeper and deeper. And how long have you been into that music and what started that interest? So I felt so heard.

[00:13:21] Arabella: By this AI matchmaker until they started try and match me with people who wanted one night stands, which was not my, then I felt gaslit. But the whole point was I thought, this is so interesting. It's mimicking the best behavior, which is asking more and more and more questions until that person feels so heard and understood.

[00:13:43] Arabella: Not only do you know them better than. They know themselves, but they've learned so much about themselves and what's important to them, and then you work out okay in terms of what's important to you, what order? Are these values? So is [00:14:00] it speed? Is it experience? Is it looking good to your boss? What's the most important?

[00:14:05] Arabella: And then providing them with solutions that meet those needs.

[00:14:10] Allan: So finally, we could update the AI avatar. I don't, I know that may not be far off. She was great. So. Getting practical. You know, in a sales situation you may only have 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, what, whatever it is.

[00:14:26] Arabella: Mm.

[00:14:26] Allan: So we get on a call, uh, may, maybe we've never spoken before, so hopefully we can do some research using technology. Sure. Maybe we've got an on LinkedIn, maybe we've done some Google Yeah.

[00:14:36] Allan: Research. Um, what are some of the, what are the fast ways to kind of get to that situation, to build that report for them to feel. Heard and understood and, and get to that point.

[00:14:49] Arabella: So the first one is matching, matching them physically and vocally. If you can see them, that's great. If you can't, then you're matching, matching them vocally.

[00:14:57] Arabella: I remember speaking to a CEO and he said. [00:15:00] We've got a really big problem. You know, the two ic, super intelligent, but you just can't understand a word he says, and I'm writing him down word for word, everything he says. And about 20 minutes later I said, okay, so you've got a really big problem. You're two ic, super intelligent.

[00:15:14] Arabella: You just can't understand a word he says. And he said yes, and he'd forgotten that he'd told me those exact words.

[00:15:21] Arabella: Okay. What people often do, which is a problem, is they try and paraphrase to show that they understand. But there are major issues with that.

[00:15:29] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:15:29] Arabella: Because we've all grown up in different environments, different families had different experiences.

[00:15:34] Allan: Yeah.

[00:15:35] Arabella: Different cultures, different religions, different languages often.

[00:15:38] Allan: Yep.

[00:15:39] Arabella: And words mean very specific things for each person.

[00:15:43] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:15:43] Arabella: If that makes sense.

[00:15:44] Allan: Yeah.

[00:15:44] Arabella: So if I were to say, this needs to be very speedy, and you say, this needs to be fast, it's slightly different.

[00:15:50] Allan: Yeah.

[00:15:51] Arabella: It's like, well, what does speed mean and what does fast mean? But you've just, you've just mismatched me instead of matched me. Whereas if you say my exact word, then I think you, [00:16:00] you understand me.

[00:16:01] Allan: That's something we use very heavily in our messaging. We say take the verbatims of your yes, of your target market.

[00:16:09] Allan: What are they writing in reviews? What are they asking in sales situations? What are they uh, having problems with on your help desk? Whatever it is. And use the exact verbatims in, in your marketing because often we are ma paraphrasing it or making it up or, you know, coming up with something that we think they think,

[00:16:25] Arabella: yeah, you're trying to be clever. When they're giving it to you. Yeah, and all you need to do is reflect them back to themselves. And what that does is takes the pressure off you. Now people often go, well, aren't you becoming more like them? And you're not being yourself, or you're not being authentic, but you're still you. It's just that you are different when you are with your partner as opposed to at a work scenario as opposed to with friends or with strangers on the bus.

[00:16:53] Arabella: You're just exaggerating a part of you to connect with that person in the moment. Mm. That builds deeper [00:17:00] and deeper rapport. Then this is when it gets fun. You wanna slow your breathing right down, and what that does is it self regulates you, which means it makes you super calm and relaxed, and then they will start to feel very calm and relaxed.

[00:17:18] Arabella: I remember going to a, uh, I was going to meet a lot of partners in a financial firm, and we were sitting around the table. There's about four or five of them, and I sat down. The first thing I focused on was my breath. I. Mm, I just slowed it right down. And then I started asking them questions, and after a while, one of the partners said, I'm starting to feel really good.

[00:17:39] Arabella: And I said, watch out. You never know what's gonna happen. So it's really about connecting, making it all about them and asking them questions and then slowing down your breathing. And that's when you can start to see, have I got rapport with them? And you can very subtly mismatch them. So if they're sitting back, you [00:18:00] might slowly sit forward and see if they follow you.

[00:18:03] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:18:03] Arabella: And that's when you know you're in unconscious rapport On a deep, deep level.

[00:18:08] Allan: Does the breathing thing work over Zoom or over a phone call as well, or is it just in person?

[00:18:14] Arabella: Absolutely. I mean, we hear so much when we listen to a song on the radio, right?

[00:18:19] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:18:19] Arabella: All the, the tones, the breaths, the intonation, the changes, and our earphones are so good now that we can hear everything.

[00:18:28] Allan: Yeah.

[00:18:28] Arabella: So it's, I mean, I was on a, a on a call with a potential client, a prospect who'd called me up, and we spoke for about three minutes, and then I just stopped and I said, are you okay? This woman burst into tears and she started sobbing and started to tell me what was really going on. I was like,

[00:18:47] Arabella: Uhhuh. Okay. Alright.

[00:18:48] Arabella: And then I just lowered my tone of voice, slowed down what I was saying, just to make sure that. I was providing a nice, calm base for her.

[00:18:57] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:18:58] Arabella: Then you can start to use [00:19:00] tra trance inductions. But it's, it's very advanced. Once you get to trance inductions, it's a, a whole, a whole new game.

[00:19:07] Allan: I want trans inductions, baby. Tell me, tell me about trans inductions. I know you do,

[00:19:13] Arabella: and if you had trans inductions, imagine what you could do.

[00:19:16] Allan: Uh, I think you're using trans inductions now.

[00:19:20] Arabella: Maybe. I am.

[00:19:20] Allan: What, what? What's a trans induction?

[00:19:23] Arabella: Okay, so there's lots of different types of trance. There's lots of different types of, it's basically hypnotherapy and hypnotherapy is very, very powerful and it's used across the world.

[00:19:34] Arabella: There are speeches by Tony Blair, things that American presidents say. I remember Obama saying I didn't calibrate that well enough, and that's a word that we use in hypnotherapy.

[00:19:45] Allan: Calibrate. Mm-hmm. Okay.

[00:19:47] Arabella: Which means if I calibrate to you, I'm matching you physically and vocally, and giving you the words that you wanna hear at that point in time.

[00:19:55] Arabella: So it's understanding, it's matching that person where they're at. But I use one [00:20:00] called the Milton Model from Milton Erickson. Okay, do not use this at home. Alright? Or do and no, it's very powerful. But there's a whole series of techniques. One for example. We know that when you tell someone not to do something, that they're much more likely to do it.

[00:20:17] Arabella: So there was, it's famously known that on the, the signs that they had up around workplaces where they had don't slip and they'd have someone slipping on a banana, that's where most of the, a accidents happened.

[00:20:29] Allan: That's funny. I,

[00:20:30] Arabella: it happened accidentally at first that I, if I was. Full up. My schedule was really busy and I couldn't take on this new client.

[00:20:37] Arabella: I said, look, I'm not sure I'm the right person for you. And they would not get off the phone until I agreed to work with them. So doing that mismatching or using a negative is very powerful. One of the people who's the most experienced at this is Anthony Robbins.

[00:20:53] Allan: Okay.

[00:20:53] Arabella: And he called his documentary, I Am Not Your Guru.

[00:20:58] Arabella: So, [00:21:00] uh, he wouldn't say, I'm not your guru, unless it was a trans induction and an embedded command, and he's phenomenal at it. When I went to one of his workshops, I could have, I would've done anything that he'd asked of me because he. He said, I'm gonna, um, you might wanna go into a light trance right now.

[00:21:16] Arabella: And he'd told so many stories, open-ended stories. He never ended the story. He said, that reminds me of another time, every time we got to the peak. So we went deeper and deeper and deeper into trance.

[00:21:28] Allan: So embedded commands, meaning the knot or the negative gets ignored. It's just the, the bit afterwards.

[00:21:35] Arabella: That's right.

[00:21:36] Allan: Open loops as well.

[00:21:37] Arabella: Yes. Because what happens is our conscious brain or the neocortex, the logical brain says no to most things. Mm-hmm. Especially if it's hearing it for the first time.

[00:21:46] Allan: Yeah.

[00:21:47] Arabella: And so we need to distract that mother.

[00:21:49] Allan: Mm.

[00:21:50] Arabella: We need to distract it so that we can get around it to the limbic system, the emotional part of the brain, which is the decision making part of the brain and embed [00:22:00] commands.

[00:22:01] Allan: I, I've, I've also used something where no means Yes. So, um, for example. Rather than saying, Hey, can we, can we meet on Tuesday at 10:00 AM

[00:22:12] Arabella: mm-hmm.

[00:22:12] Allan: Would you, would you be opposed to meeting yes. On Tuesday at 10:00 AM

[00:22:16] Allan: So, because people, people, uh, say no by default almost. So you saying no in that situation is essentially a yes.

[00:22:25] Arabella: This is so true. So if you ring up someone who say, is this a bad time?

[00:22:28] Allan: Yeah.

[00:22:29] Arabella: They will usually say, no, no, it's fine.

[00:22:31] Allan: Yeah.

[00:22:32] Arabella: And that works on two fronts because it gives them that power and that autonomy. They've just set a boundary, they've said no.

[00:22:38] Allan: Yeah.

[00:22:38] Arabella: And it makes them feel in control, but it's also an embedded command.

[00:22:41] Arabella: So I remember living in a house, I somehow always got calls asking me if I wanted to change my electricity provider. Mm-hmm. And they'd say, hi, are you the, the homeowner? And I'd say, yes, I am. And they'd say, have you noticed your electricity bills going up? And I say, yes, I, I have. And they [00:23:00] said, uh, are you concerned that they'll go up again?

[00:23:02] Arabella: I said, well, yes, I'm, it was this technique that was used in the seventies, which was a yes set. You kept them saying yes. Yeah. And then the next thing you. They'll say yes to. Yeah, but it doesn't work. It makes people so frustrated because I kept saying yes, but all I wanted to say was no, because I felt out of control.

[00:23:19] Arabella: Whereas it would've been far better if they called me up and said, you don't wanna pay more for your electricity now, do you? And I would've said no. And they should say, well, nor should you. Here's a way that you can da, da, da. Yes. And that would've been far more powerful than getting me on this Yeses, which is just makes you feel out of control and not listened to or really heard.

[00:23:40] Allan: Yeah. So trance like, I mean, it, it's got this connotations where you're walking around like a zombie or whatever.

[00:23:47] Arabella: Mm.

[00:23:47] Allan: But like, it's really just someone. Having their full attention on you. Is that right? Or, or have, have I Am I, am I almost Okay. All right.

[00:23:55] Arabella: Almost because their, their conscious brain is distracted. We, we go into trance all the [00:24:00] time. Okay. If you drive, uh, a certain route home every day,

[00:24:04] Allan: yeah.

[00:24:04] Arabella: You'll get home and you won't have noticed the drive home.

[00:24:07] Allan: Yeah.

[00:24:07] Arabella: You will be in your. Unconscious mind working through problems, thinking through things. Mm-hmm. Sorting things out. If you have a shower. A lot of people say that they get their ideas in the shower.

[00:24:17] Allan: Yeah.

[00:24:17] Arabella: They're not consciously thinking. Now I soap myself now I, uh, and that's when the conscious brain switches off and the unconscious is allowed to run free. I used to watch rugby with my dad and he'd watch the tv and every time they went to kick the ball, he'd, he'd, he'd jerk as he kicked, or, or I went to see, uh a movie with my brothers. We went to gold class cinemas, sat back. It was Hunger Games two. I hadn't seen Hunger Games one, and I remember we're in the darkened theater, and I just screamed the whole way that I was so scared, but I felt like I was in the movie. And so what happens is we go into this state quite willingly and it's a [00:25:00] beautiful feeling.

[00:25:00] Arabella: It's super relaxing. So what we are doing is we are giving that conscious brain something to latch onto.

[00:25:07] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:25:07] Arabella: And what it does is it does a transderivational search. It's trying to find the origin of what you're talking about. Meanwhile, everything you say after is an embedded command. So you can use, there's lots of techniques.

[00:25:19] Arabella: One for example, is a mind read.

[00:25:21] Allan: Okay?

[00:25:21] Arabella: You might say, lots of people say, I know you're busy.

[00:25:24] Allan: Mm.

[00:25:26] Arabella: Do you, how do you know I'm busy? Busy with what? Mm, what, where you use a, a technique or I know you wanna get this done as quickly as possible, so I know is the trans induction, right? Because the conscious brain is like, how do you know what, what is it about me that has told you, meanwhile, get this as done?

[00:25:45] Arabella: Get this done as quickly as possible, is the embedded command.

[00:25:49] Allan: So you're kind of distracting the conscious mind, and then the unconscious is more open to suggestion.

[00:25:53] Arabella: Totally. The, the gatekeeper's gone and in you go.

[00:25:57] Allan: Mm. Love it. Yeah. I, I want to, I wanna [00:26:00] put more people into trances.

[00:26:01] Arabella: I know. I mean, I, I met you when I spoke at that conference.

[00:26:06] Allan: Yes.

[00:26:06] Arabella: It was during, it was just when COVID was starting.

[00:26:09] Allan: Yeah.

[00:26:09] Arabella: Those two days we're in this. We had people from all over the world. And they chose 10 of us to get up and do a 10 minute speech to the audience. Yeah. And I got up and I said, what are you thinking?

[00:26:23] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:26:23] Arabella: Don't you hate it when your partner asks you that? And you have to stop thinking what you're thinking and try and think of something that they may think is worth thinking. And then I took everyone into a really deep trans induction. So much so that most of the audience had their chins on their chest. I went, Ooh, too far. But then I won the $850 bottle of Grange. So

[00:26:47] Allan: You did. You did. I remember that.

[00:26:49] Arabella: So it's a very powerful technique and sometimes I am even a bit scared of it. Because I did use it in uh, India once [00:27:00] when I went to a hotel and it was a five star hotel and I pulled up the sheets and the mattress was ripped and there was little blood spots on the mattress all in a row, which suggests bedbugs.

[00:27:12] Allan: Right.

[00:27:12] Arabella: And I'm allergic to bedbugs. I end up in hospital.

[00:27:15] Allan: Yeah.

[00:27:15] Arabella: I don't know if I should tell this story.

[00:27:18] Allan: Well, you've gotta tell it now. You know you wanna tell this story.

[00:27:22] Arabella: I know, I know. You know, I wanna, I.

[00:27:24] Allan: I know you want this podcast to have lots of good stories, don't you?

[00:27:29] Arabella: Oh, you, you know, I love stories. Dammit.

[00:27:34] Arabella: So I went downstairs and I said to the receptionist, we need to change rooms. And she said, I'm sorry you can't change rooms. The hotel's full. And I said, I need to speak to the manager. She said, okay. And I turned to my partner at the time said, can you go upstairs, get our bags and bring them down?

[00:27:52] Arabella: And then the manager came out and I said to him, I know you know that the customer is always right and if you help [00:28:00] me, then you can help the rest of your hotel run smoothly. And everyone wants that, don't they? And I just use three or four techniques over and over for about an hour to the point that. He then ran to five ATMs and got cash out from his own personal account.

[00:28:17] Allan: Wow.

[00:28:17] Arabella: He had this massive what of cash because he said he couldn't get it out from the till. And I said, I know you can do whatever it is that you choose to do and if you choose to help the customer. And I was on the phone to bookings.com when he came back. And I said, he's just come back with his own money.

[00:28:38] Arabella: They said, don't take it. And I said, I'm not going to. They said, we'll give you a full refund. They said, can we talk to him? And I said, sure. So I gave the phone to. The hotel manager and they said, what do you think you're doing? He said, I don't know. And that's when I got super frightened. 'cause I was like, wow, this is so powerful.

[00:28:54] Arabella: And I stopped using them for a year.

[00:28:56] Ethical Use of Influence Techniques
---

[00:28:56] Arabella: And then I thought, what if these techniques are used for good?

[00:29:00] Allan: Mm.

[00:29:00] Arabella: So I don't share them with everyone I work with. I only share them with people who I think. Can take on the ethical challenge of only using it for good, because the problem is, is if you do it with someone who in their right mind wouldn't do what you're asking of them.

[00:29:19] Allan: Yep.

[00:29:20] Arabella: Later they will then realize it and. Once they've become conscious of what they've done, and they'll get very angry and frustrated. And that will ruin your relationship.

[00:29:30] Allan: Yeah.

[00:29:31] Arabella: So it still has to be in line with their values.

[00:29:33] Allan: Yeah.

[00:29:34] Arabella: And with your values. Does that make sense?

[00:29:36] Allan: It does, it does. Well, you know, it's like many things.

[00:29:38] Allan: It's a, it's a tool, right? And you can use a tool for good or for exactly bad purposes. It's uh, yeah. It could be called manipulation or it could be called influence. Mm. And the difference is integrity, intention, all of that sort of thing.

[00:29:51] Arabella: Mm. Well that's what my mother said. She said, Bella, you're teaching people how to min manipulate others.

[00:29:56] Arabella: Yeah. I said, mom, if people had just 5% of your ability to [00:30:00] make others feel good, wouldn the world, be a better place. And she goes, oh, well Bella, what? Which comes down to praising people as well. That's something that we miss. We stop praising people. We stop meeting their needs. And that that's a, that in itself is hugely influential.

[00:30:17] Arabella: It's not being, uh, sycophantic and going, oh my God, you're amazing. It's just saying thank you. That was really impressive, or I really liked how you did that. It's just something little builds that rapport. And if in fact, if we look at Gottman's work, John and Julie Gottman, they've been studying couples for 50 years.

[00:30:34] Allan: Yeah.

[00:30:34] Arabella: They have the love lab.

[00:30:35] Allan: Yeah.

[00:30:35] Arabella: I dunno if you've heard.

[00:30:36] Allan: I have. Yeah.

[00:30:36] Arabella: And yeah. And they can tell whether a couple's gonna stay together after about three minutes on their love lab couch. But they say that you need to have five positive interactions for every negative interaction. So if you are having lots of negative interactions with someone, then that starts to pile up.

[00:30:54] Arabella: Yeah. Whereas if you start to fill the bank with lots of positive ones. Then when you do have to [00:31:00] have a, a challenging or a negative conversation, you're able to do that safely.

[00:31:04] Navigating Difficult Conversations
---

[00:31:04] Allan: So, uh, uh, getting into that, uh,

[00:31:07] Arabella: yes.

[00:31:08] Allan: Difficult conversations.

[00:31:09] Arabella: Mm-hmm.

[00:31:09] Allan: So, uh, what are the traps? What are the, what are the things to look out for and what are the things to do well?

[00:31:16] Arabella: Well, the biggest trap is people not, not doing them. Not having them.

[00:31:20] Allan: Mm.

[00:31:20] Arabella: Because they're so frightened of having a difficult conversation. They wanna be seen as the good person or, uh, they want to be liked by other people. And so that is the biggest issue, is that people are shying away from those conversations.

[00:31:35] Arabella: And especially when we look at new employment laws, you can't bully people. And

[00:31:41] Allan: Yeah.

[00:31:41] Arabella: Not that you should have in the past, but the, the fines are incredible. Not only does is the manager fine, but the CEO e is personally fine if bullying is going on in their company. And so people are scared of speaking up or having that conversation in the first place.

[00:31:58] Allan: So, so is it the old shit sandwich [00:32:00] where you did this really well, you did this badly, and then hey, good on you? Uh, or, or, or is, is there more to it?

[00:32:06] Arabella: There's, there's a little bit more to it, kind of. It's a, it's, it's an interesting one because it also depends what type of conversation you're having. So for example, if we're in a meeting together and every time I'm in a meeting with you, uh, I think that you speak over me, then I need to address that and have that conversation because I'm getting more and more frustrated or angry and angrier.

[00:32:28] Allan: Yeah.

[00:32:28] Arabella: So I might, first of all, there's three steps really, and the step one is to ask for permission. Say, Hey, can we have a chat about the meeting we just had or the way that we're working together? And you can either say, yeah, sure, what's up? Or you can say, ah, not right now. Can we do it at three o'clock today? Or you can say no, and those are all options that are left to that person.

[00:32:52] Arabella: Then the next step is if you do wanna have that conversation, is starting with how I feel. I feel really, uh, [00:33:00] disrespected and put down and unimportant.

[00:33:03] Allan: So not you are making me feel No. Or your, you, you, you are being disrespectful or

[00:33:09] Arabella: No, because that, it was really interesting because I only, I had a conversation with, uh, someone who's in my space recently, and we had a big chat about this as to whether you start with the situation first or the feeling that you have first.

[00:33:25] Arabella: And if I start with, I've noticed you speak over me in meetings.

[00:33:29] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:33:30] Arabella: Now already you might go into distress and go, no, I don't.

[00:33:33] Allan: Yeah, yeah.

[00:33:34] Arabella: What do you mean I speak, it might be completely unconscious.

[00:33:37] Allan: Yeah.

[00:33:37] Arabella: Whereas if when you start with this is how I feel, then uh, you can't argue with how I feel. No. And it's not an attack.

[00:33:46] Allan: Yeah.

[00:33:46] Arabella: And it's not blaming you.

[00:33:47] Allan: Yeah.

[00:33:48] Arabella: It's just this is what's coming up for me.

[00:33:50] Allan: Yeah.

[00:33:51] Arabella: And then saying, I feel put down, disrespected or unimportant when I'm spoken over.

[00:33:56] Allan: Yeah.

[00:33:57] Arabella: And I've noticed that that's been happening a bit in the meetings that we're [00:34:00] in together. And the best response that you can have is, thank you.

[00:34:05] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:34:07] Arabella: Now what? Uh. Many people try to do is continue the conversation and say, well, no, I don't. When did I do it all? And often that then becomes a conflict and that person will never wanna bring something up with you again.

[00:34:22] Allan: Mm.

[00:34:22] Arabella: Whereas if you create a culture where, Hey, can we have a quick chat about the meeting?

[00:34:26] Arabella: I feel really, uh, stressed. Yeah. Uh, because I feel like I'm being put on the spot.

[00:34:32] Allan: Yeah.

[00:34:33] Arabella: Uh, I've noticed you throw to me without giving me any warning, can you give me warning in the, in the future.

[00:34:37] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:34:38] Arabella: And you just say, thank you and go away, and then you can come back and revisit that at a later time.

[00:34:46] Arabella: But in that moment, the natural instinct is to do what? To be defensive and

[00:34:51] Allan: mm-hmm.

[00:34:51] Arabella: And to think of, oh, and be scared or worried that what you're doing is inappropriate or wrong. No one wants to be in trouble. Get it wrong. Right.

[00:34:59] Allan: Yeah. [00:35:00]

[00:35:01] Arabella: Depending on the personality style.

[00:35:03] Allan: Of course, of course. So obviously have those difficult conversations start with feeling?

[00:35:08] Arabella: Yeah.

[00:35:09] Allan: Anything else?

[00:35:11] Arabella: There's a few ways to keep the conversation in a safe space. So what we know is I use a tool from NASA called the process Communication Model.

[00:35:19] Allan: Yeah.

[00:35:20] Arabella: That says that two people can only communicate if they're both in okay space. So as soon as one person

[00:35:25] Allan: What's an okay space.

[00:35:25] Arabella: So, okay. Space is, I feel good. You feel good?

[00:35:28] Allan: Yeah.

[00:35:28] Arabella: We can have a conversation.

[00:35:30] Allan: Okay.

[00:35:30] Arabella: And as soon as one person goes into distress

[00:35:34] Allan: mm-hmm.

[00:35:34] Arabella: They attack, blame or shut down and the other person will quickly follow.

[00:35:37] Allan: Yeah.

[00:35:38] Arabella: And so our goal is to make sure I'm in Okay. Space you're in. Okay. Space. Because if either of us goes into distress, we can, no, we are no longer rational thinking, feeling human beings.

[00:35:49] Allan: Mm.

[00:35:49] Arabella: So the idea is that when you're having that conversation with someone, is to know how to meet their needs or know what, what needs are important to them.

[00:35:57] Allan: Yeah.

[00:35:58] Arabella: Most people dunno how to meet them [00:36:00] positively. Mm-hmm. So they meet them negatively.

[00:36:01] Allan: Yeah.

[00:36:02] Arabella: So our goal is to help people meet their needs positively.

[00:36:05] Arabella: For example, someone might need recognition in order to feel good. Mm. But they're not getting it. So then they put everyone else down. Yeah. And they say that everyone else is incompetent. I have to stay back till 11:00 PM 'cause no one else knows what to do.

[00:36:19] Allan: Mm.

[00:36:20] Arabella: So it's about helping people meet their needs.

[00:36:23] Arabella: If you're gonna have a difficult conversation with someone, make sure you help them meet their needs first.

[00:36:27] Allan: Got it.

[00:36:28] Arabella: And so you might say, I'm really enjoying working with you, or, it's great that we get this time out. So a little bit of the shit sandwich.

[00:36:35] Allan: Yeah. Okay. Alright.

[00:36:36] Arabella: I'm feeling, but it's also a, a a, a very strong influencing tool.

[00:36:44] Arabella: I had to work with a company and I always ask, is there anyone who I need to be aware of who's challenging? And I was told that this one person was extremely vocal, very opinionated, often challenged everything that came up. So I said to the CEO, can I [00:37:00] come to your Friday night drinks a week earlier? He said, sure, come along.

[00:37:04] Arabella: And so I came and I found this person. I stood next to him and I said, I heard you're the man about town. And he said, really? And I said. Yeah, word on the street is you're extremely experienced and everyone listens to you. And he goes, oh, well they might. I said, well, they probably should. Trans induction. I said, I'm, I'm coming next Friday to train the team because they're not as experienced as you.

[00:37:28] Arabella: And I was just wondering if you could help me out, uh, because I know they listen to you. And he said. Alright, I'll help you the next Friday. Oh my God. He, he went all out and he's like, Arabella, that's great. Everyone clap. Did you hear that? That was fantastic. And the whole session, he was like my number one fan.

[00:37:45] Arabella: So it's about understanding what people need, helping them meet those needs, and then creating an environment where everyone else can learn.

[00:37:53] Allan: So he wanted to felt, feel, heard, feel important. Status,

[00:37:55] Arabella: Yes. He wanted recognition. He desperately wanted recognition, [00:38:00] and he probably hasn't been getting it in the way that he needed.

[00:38:03] Arabella: And a lot of people, if they don't know how to give it to themselves, will look for external validation.

[00:38:08] Mastering Presentation Skills
---

[00:38:08] Allan: Let's switch gears a little bit. So presenting, so you're an expert presenter, you've helped me with my presentation. What are the core skills? What are the traps to look out for? I mean, we've all been in presentations where we're like, oh my God, will this ever finish?

[00:38:24] Arabella: Yeah.

[00:38:24] Allan: It's death by PowerPoint and other times when it's, you know, an hour or two has gone by and it just feels like a minute.

[00:38:30] Arabella: Mm. This is good question. I was just running a workshop yesterday and, uh, we had about a hundred people. Fill out a survey and they had to say what they were best at in presenting and what they found most challenging and what they found they were best at

[00:38:45] Arabella: almost 90% said that they were best at doing presentation preparation, but the thing they found the most challenging, 90% found challenging was audience engagement.

[00:38:57] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:38:58] Arabella: And I thought, this does not [00:39:00] work because if you are preparing well. You understand your audience, you are answering their biggest questions, and they're, you are solving their biggest problems.

[00:39:08] Arabella: And if you do that, they can't help but listen to you.

[00:39:12] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:39:12] Arabella: So people are preparing in the wrong way. They're thinking about what they need, what they want.

[00:39:17] Allan: Mm.

[00:39:18] Arabella: And then they present that to the other people, and they, they're, they're confused as to why they won't listen to them.

[00:39:23] Allan: Mm.

[00:39:24] Arabella: When they haven't taken the time to truly understand who they're speaking to.

[00:39:28] Arabella: I had a client who just won, uh, a pitch over in the US and it was a four minute pitch. It was a major competition and we argued every word, and it was very much dependent on who was in the audience at that time.

[00:39:43] Allan: Mm.

[00:39:43] Arabella: And what effect? We had a pause in there. We had humor. Uh, we set it up, we set up the problem, and then we let the solution come, come in.

[00:39:51] Arabella: And it was very much crafted on how the audience thinks and how to influence their brain. So the first step is really understand your [00:40:00] audience.

[00:40:00] Allan: Mm.

[00:40:01] Arabella: And most people go, oh, well, I'm speaking to this group, this group, and this group not good enough. I need to know five to 10 people who are there. Do a really deep dive on who those people are, not who they are professionally, but who they are professionally and personally.

[00:40:16] Allan: Okay.

[00:40:16] Arabella: And then answer those biggest questions, then you'll be able to get your idea accepted. So preparation is number one.

[00:40:24] Allan: So, uh, before we go on, practically, how would you do this? So, I'm invited to speak somewhere.

[00:40:30] Arabella: Yes.

[00:40:31] Allan: I, I know generally who the audience is. I know there may be small business people or whatever, or marketers or.

[00:40:38] Allan: Whatever, whatever pharmacy industry conference or whatever, um, how do I figure out, um, in depth who the people in the audience are gonna be?

[00:40:48] Arabella: Yeah, good question. So you start with the audience, uh, the, uh, conference organizers.

[00:40:53] Allan: Yeah.

[00:40:53] Arabella: Because they would've done a lot of research and I put it into three different brainstorms.

[00:40:58] Arabella: I look at win.

[00:40:59] Arabella: Mm-hmm. [00:41:00] Think, feel, do, and objections. And when is, who are you talking to? Professionally and personally?

[00:41:05] Allan: Yeah.

[00:41:05] Arabella: What are their issues professionally and personally and what is it that they need right now?

[00:41:10] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:41:10] Arabella: And I have that chat with the organizers. I say, give me a list of everyone and there's that, that's there if I can get that data.

[00:41:16] Allan: Yeah.

[00:41:17] Arabella: Tell me the companies. Now, can you give me some specific names so I can look them up? I, uh, then ask them what are the challenges that this cohort is facing right now? And then I'll go and do my own research and speak to people who I know, who know those companies and know those people. So that's one of the best ways.

[00:41:35] Arabella: And I look at what is it that they need right now in order to get to tomorrow?

[00:41:40] Allan: Mm,

[00:41:41] Arabella: Or the next day? What do they need in this moment today? Then I think about what do I want 'em to think? Feel and do by the end of this presentation, and I want them to think it's crucial. They give me what I want to get what they want.

[00:41:57] Arabella: How do you want 'em to feel or people on the whole make emotional [00:42:00] decisions?

[00:42:00] Allan: Yeah.

[00:42:00] Arabella: Don't they?

[00:42:01] Allan: Yeah.

[00:42:01] Arabella: And we know that, and they post rationalize with logic. It's almost so simultaneous that people think they're making logical decisions. So you need to understand how am I going to influence them emotionally?

[00:42:11] Arabella: Do I wanna reassure them, inspire them, and motivate them? Which one is the most appropriate? And then what specific action do I want them to do by the end of this interaction? And how will I know when I've got my interaction? And finally I look at their objections. What are the things that will make them resist what I'm trying to offer right now?

[00:42:31] Arabella: And if you are really sneaky, then you take their biggest objection and you flip it to make the theme.

[00:42:38] Allan: Okay.

[00:42:38] Arabella: So for example, Barack Obama, he had his, uh, yes, we can. Yeah, that was his three words that he used. Uh, and that was the overall theme. It's also a trance induction. Yes, we can what?

[00:42:53] Allan: Yeah.

[00:42:54] Arabella: Uh, and he, he removed all resistance by saying, yes, we can.

[00:42:59] Arabella: It was a [00:43:00] brilliant slogan.

[00:43:01] Allan: So, think, feel, do. Think is a, uh, I want them to think about. Their situation. I want them to think about, um,

[00:43:10] Arabella: I want them to think it's crucial. They do what I want.

[00:43:13] Allan: Okay.

[00:43:14] Arabella: In order to get what they want. So say for example, they want, uh, I was working with a non-for-profit recently.

[00:43:21] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:43:22] Arabella: And they, the people giving the presentation, the non-for-profit, they desperately wanted. More donations.

[00:43:29] Allan: Yeah.

[00:43:30] Arabella: What did the audience want? Were they very wealthy millionaires and billionaires? Yeah. They wanna leave an impact.

[00:43:36] Allan: Yeah.

[00:43:36] Arabella: They wanna make an impact and, and leave a legacy.

[00:43:39] Allan: Yeah.

[00:43:40] Arabella: And so it was all about talking to them and saying.

[00:43:44] Arabella: With your money, you will be doing this and using the word you rather than this is what we've done with our

[00:43:50] Allan: Yeah.

[00:43:51] Arabella: And the result was incredible. They just got, because they met the need of the audience and showed them that by donating more, [00:44:00] they would meet more of their needs and they'd make more of an impact and make more of a leave more of a legacy.

[00:44:05] Allan: And is that the think or is that the feel?

[00:44:07] Arabella: That's the think.

[00:44:07] Allan: That's the think.

[00:44:09] Arabella: And then the feel was motivate. Let's motivate them to take action and make a decision, take action in this moment.

[00:44:15] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:44:16] Arabella: Specific action that they wanted them to take. They wanted the audience to donate around a million per person.

[00:44:22] Allan: Okay.

[00:44:22] Arabella: So that when you are that specific as to what you wanna get. In a presentation, it changes your energy, it changes the direction. You don't say, hi everyone, we want a million for. For you.

[00:44:34] Allan: Yeah.

[00:44:34] Arabella: From you and from this you will get blah, blah, blah.

[00:44:37] Allan: Yeah.

[00:44:38] Arabella: But it's almost like that. It's just energetically, you're so confident about what you wanna achieve.

[00:44:44] Allan: Yeah. So it's very much what we do in in marketing, which is deep research around our target market.

[00:44:50] Arabella: Yes.

[00:44:50] Allan: Trying to really understand them at a deep level.

[00:44:53] Arabella: Mm-hmm.

[00:44:54] Allan: Uh, we want to make them feel something because people make decisions emotionally

[00:44:58] Arabella: mm-hmm.

[00:44:59] Allan: Rather than [00:45:00] logically.

[00:45:00] Arabella: Mm-hmm.

[00:45:01] Allan: And then we, we want a strong call to action. We wanna address objections in, in our marketing material and all the, all the things that we've got in our lead nurturing phase and all of that. So it's really just taking all of that and packaging that up in a. In a conversation or a presentation or whatever it is that you're delivering.

[00:45:19] Arabella: Hmm. That's why you're such a good speaker.

[00:45:23] Allan: Well, uh, I'm getting there. I'm getting there.

[00:45:25] The Art of Storytelling in Presentations
---

[00:45:25] Arabella: But the other thing is, is you need to get your audience on side straight away. And the best way I've experimented with everything from starting with a quote, a surprising, a question that makes people think deeply.

[00:45:38] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:45:39] Arabella: Uh, a newspaper article, a hot topics. I've tried all of them.

[00:45:42] The Power of Storytelling in Presentations
---

[00:45:42] Arabella: And the very best is to start with a story.

[00:45:45] Allan: Mm.

[00:45:46] Arabella: And if you set that story up as a trance induction, then it's even more powerful because anything that assumes trance is trance. So I will tell a story that has nothing to do [00:46:00] with the topic that we're gonna talk about.

[00:46:01] Allan: Okay.

[00:46:02] Arabella: And people, their conscious brain goes internally, does that Transderivational search going, what is this story about?

[00:46:09] Arabella: Meanwhile, through the story, I'm embedding commands left, right, and center and putting them in a deep, relaxed state so that they're much more likely to receive everything I say after. The problem is in corporate or in business, we think we don't have time to tell stories.

[00:46:26] Allan: Mm.

[00:46:26] Arabella: Or. Uh, they're not professional, whereas you are missing your ability to influence and you only have to look at leaders, the worldwide who start with stories when they're doing presentations to see how powerful they are.

[00:46:42] Allan: How do I make the story? Impactful rather than boring. 'cause I mean, we've all set sat through boring stories as well. Right. And, uh, you're saying that the story is not necessarily highly relevant to what you're speaking about, but um, obviously it's gotta capture their attention, [00:47:00] their imagination. How are you structuring that story?

[00:47:03] Arabella: Well, how not to structure it, first of all.

[00:47:05] Allan: Okay.

[00:47:06] Arabella: I wanna tell you a story.

[00:47:07] Allan: Yeah.

[00:47:07] Arabella: Just tell the story.

[00:47:08] Allan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:47:09] Arabella: Just get up and say last week. Or,

[00:47:13] Allan: Yeah.

[00:47:13] Arabella: Yeah. I remember getting up in front of a group and. I asked them, have you bought a car recently? I recently had to buy a car and I had no idea. I wanted to get, at that time it was either an Audi or a Toyota RAV4.

[00:47:29] Arabella: Yeah. I have no idea about cars. Yeah. And if it's got four wheels and it moves, I'm, I'm really happy. Uh. And so my brother put me in touch with, uh, an Uber driver. Yeah. And he had been a mechanic for 20 years. Yeah. So Mohammed was gonna help me buy a car. Usually I'd asked my dad, but my dad had passed away three months earlier.

[00:47:48] Arabella: And so I asked Mohammed, he came to this car auction with me and he helped me choose a car. And like, this is just such a simple story that everyone can relate to, right?

[00:47:59] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:47:59] Arabella: And, [00:48:00] and I just took it deeper and deeper and deeper until. It was such a deep trance induction. Everyone's like, then what happened?

[00:48:09] Arabella: You know, I was, I got parked in, it was just so ridiculous, the story. It was so simple.

[00:48:13] Allan: Yeah.

[00:48:13] Arabella: But by the end of it, uh, it was really powerful.

[00:48:17] Allan: So why was that powerful versus like a boring story where people are like, you know, where is this going? What is the, you know, what makes the difference?

[00:48:25] Arabella: The deep emotional connection that I had, like, because it was a time when my father passed, it was like, took me right there.

[00:48:31] Allan: Yeah.

[00:48:33] Arabella: It put me in a different state and I spoke differently. Mm. And talking about how grateful I was to Mohamed, who helped me choose a car. Uh, and yeah, it's the emotional state that it puts you in because when you tell a story, you have to relive it as you tell it.

[00:48:50] Allan: Mm.

[00:48:51] Arabella: And you need to talk about what you were thinking and feeling.

[00:48:54] Arabella: So what were the emotions that we, you were going through in that moment? There [00:49:00] has to be an obstacle. I call it SOS. This is the situation.

[00:49:03] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:49:03] Arabella: This is the obstacle and this is solution. That's the most basic story structure.

[00:49:08] Allan: And so what were the embedded commands in that story? Or why, how was that gonna transition into what you were speaking about?

[00:49:17] Arabella: Well, I, I was talking about leaving the car yard in this Toyota RAV4.

[00:49:21] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:49:22] Arabella: And, uh, my friend called me, said, did you get a long wheel base or a short wheel base? And I was like, there are two types. I called my car the mothership. It was just for me and my dog, and it was huge. And then I came to Manly, which is,

[00:49:33] Allan: I'd start with like. What is a wheel base like?

[00:49:36] Arabella: Yeah, yeah. What's a, a wheel base like?

[00:49:38] Arabella: And I got to, to Manley, which is, uh, you know, one of the most popular Sydney

[00:49:43] Allan: Yeah.

[00:49:43] Arabella: Um, cities. And I had to park right next to the water where I lived, and I, I found a car park behind this car park in front of me, and it, it was gonna be towed after 8:00 AM the next day.

[00:49:54] Arabella: And I thought, that's okay. I have to leave at six in the morning. Next morning I come running out to jump in my [00:50:00] car, race into the city for a meeting, and I'm parked in. And I'm not just a little bit parked in, like they're touching on either side, but I'm an optimist and a, a bad driver. I mean, I'm, I thought I can get out of this.

[00:50:16] Arabella: So I got in the car, turned it on and went me, you know, when the sensors go off and I sat there and I thought, what do I do? It's six in the morning. Do I just hammer the horn so that the whole neighborhood wakes up and someone comes out and gets their car? Do I leave my car and let it get impounded and then pay the fine?

[00:50:36] Arabella: Uh, do I cancel the meeting and just wait? Like what, what do I do? And it's, it's really interesting when you feel parked in like that.

[00:50:44] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:50:44] Arabella: You can start to panic.

[00:50:46] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:50:46] Arabella: And you don't see any way out when there is always a way out.

[00:50:51] Allan: Nice. Nice.

[00:50:54] Arabella: And then people come up and they say, but what happened to your car?

[00:50:57] Allan: Yeah, exactly. What happened to your car?

[00:50:59] Arabella: And that's an open [00:51:00] loop. So if you don't finish the story, and I did this yesterday, I told a story. Uh, about an American company that I was working with, and I said, guess what happened next? And everyone went, what? And I said, thank you so much for coming. I'm so impressed that you've taken, I just, everyone laughed.

[00:51:17] Arabella: But then at the end of the, the presentation, I finished the story for them. So I closed that loop.

[00:51:23] Allan: Yeah. So I'm seeing a lot of themes. Um. Across different domains. So whether it's influence presenting or whatever. So research is a, is a huge, is a common thing.

[00:51:34] Arabella: Mm-hmm.

[00:51:34] Allan: Meeting people's needs.

[00:51:36] Arabella: Meet people's needs. Oh my god. Yes.

[00:51:40] Allan: Uh, open loops. And

[00:51:41] Arabella: open loops. Trans inductions.

[00:51:42] Allan: Trans inductions. Anything else?

[00:51:45] Arabella: Yeah. I think one of the biggest tools, 'cause I I am obsessed with negotiation

[00:51:51] Allan: Yeah.

[00:51:52] Arabella: Is positioning things in a way that they're so palatable to the person who they're. You're suggesting it to that they take it on, [00:52:00] but sometimes that's not the case and you come into conflict with someone else. Yeah, they have an opposite or opposing priority and you have to somewhat move around that and get to agreement.

[00:52:10] Allan: Yeah.

[00:52:11] Arabella: So one of the best techniques that you may have heard of is chunking. Have you heard of chunking before?

[00:52:16] Allan: No.

[00:52:16] Arabella: Okay. So. Often if we're having an argument, we might be chunked down.

[00:52:21] Allan: Yeah.

[00:52:21] Arabella: Into specifics. So I say, I want a Toyota RAV4, and you say, I want

[00:52:26] Allan: A-B-M-W-X five.

[00:52:27] Arabella: Okay, there you go. Like, no, the Toyota, it's more fuel efficient. Well, electric, whatever. Yeah. And so we might be chunked down and having this argument about specifics. Whereas what we need to do is chunk up what is our overall goal here.

[00:52:43] Arabella: What's the vehicle for? What do we need? Do we even need a vehicle? Like is it to get us from one place to another? And once you start chunking up, then a whole host of other possibilities become available to us. When we're chunked down into specifics, it's one against the other.

[00:52:59] Allan: Yeah.

[00:52:59] Arabella: [00:53:00] Whereas there's an almost infinite amount of ways that you could get to the next moment, the next day, the next week, the next year.

[00:53:06] Arabella: But when we are in conflict, all we can see is this or this.

[00:53:10] Allan: Mm-hmm.

[00:53:11] Arabella: So chunking up is a very helpful tool. Chunk up. Okay, what is our overall goal? And if we achieve that goal, does it really matter how we get there?

[00:53:18] Allan: Yeah. I love it. So how, how did you get out of the car space?

[00:53:23] Arabella: Uh, how did I get out the, the car?

[00:53:25] Allan: Yeah. I mean, we can't finish this podcast without, without, uh, closing that loop.

[00:53:29] Arabella: It's a bit of a, uh, a let down the, the end. But I was sitting in the car and the next moment. I was about to sound the horn. I was like, no, I'm getting out of this car. I don't wanna be impounded and go through all of the pain of trying to find my car and all that.

[00:53:46] Arabella: Uh, and I was just about to honk. And then this window cleaner, 'cause there was a cafe next door, he came running around, jumped in his car, reversed. Uh, he didn't say Sorry, how dare [00:54:00] he know? No, he reversed. And then I was free to go.

[00:54:04] Allan: Oh, perfect.

[00:54:04] Arabella: Yeah.

[00:54:04] Allan: Perfect. Well, I think that's a gr a great way to finish the podcast with a closed loop to, to an interesting story.

[00:54:11] Allan: Thank you, Arabella.

[00:54:13] Arabella: Thank you for having me. As you know, I am one of your biggest fans. I know you've got many across the world, many, many, many. So it's an absolute honor to spend this time with you. So it's an absolute honor to spend this time with you. Thank you for having me. So good. Have you. Thank you so much. Okay.

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